dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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