my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize