that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
