Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
