We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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