the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
