then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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