I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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