I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she told me i tasted like america
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
