So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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