u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize