how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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