I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
