he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dicks are not precious.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize