she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
