barbara walters just said penis...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
