I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
