i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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