I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you had me at cake vodka
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
