I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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