I wish my penis had an off switch
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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