So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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