he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
