My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
