In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
