so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
