Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
