I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
