Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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(631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a

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(563): View more from Iowa

My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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(563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5

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(440): View more from Ohio

This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.

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(440): This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/kbq6

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions

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(262): i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions http://tfl.nu/1ufy

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

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(402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk

Replies (63) Good night (1040) Bad night (7767)
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(319): View more from Iowa

We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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(319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk

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(660): View more from Missouri

Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

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(660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s

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(314): View more from Missouri

In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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(314): In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk. http://tfl.nu/6bmy

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

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(403): were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found. http://tfl.nu/pucp

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.

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(250): I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk. http://tfl.nu/fti6

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.

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(859): I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it. http://tfl.nu/s0lk

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(916): View more from California

When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.

(1-916): View more from California

Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off

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(916): When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong. (1-916): Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off http://tfl.nu/emwi

Replies (3) Good night (1188) Bad night (395)
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(360): View more from Washington

I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?

(1-360): View more from Washington

considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.

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(360): I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel? (1-360): considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'. http://tfl.nu/0tmm

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.

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(208): I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise. http://tfl.nu/iv1d

Replies (2) Good night (950) Bad night (159)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

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(318): A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?" http://tfl.nu/oinl

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