he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃