Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.