i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho