He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
