Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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