Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
