i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
