I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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