we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i out mim tonsoeep
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You left your phone here
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