next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
