If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
