you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
