She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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