eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just gift wrapped bread.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
