I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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