Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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