TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
