I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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