he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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