Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
