we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
