Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
