and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
