Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
