Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
