what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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