Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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