No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
