Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
