I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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