Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
