Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
