hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
