Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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