i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
