Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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