Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
