Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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