Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
