If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to fling myself into the sun
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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