Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's like iHOP with fire
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
