I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
